Did you know that the average person’s pity sack (located in the brain behind the self delusion gland) can hold up to a lifetime of festering grievances, excuses and regrets? And that once something enters inside this space it immediately begins to reproduce with itself and grow onto anything else that gets added, quickly morphing the contents into disformed adaptions of what it even began as. Gross isn’t it? What’s even worse is that as the sack fills and swells the more it consumes and pushes against what’s around it. This slowly begins limiting and retarding our ability to use the parts of our brains that determine real responsibility, problem solving and ultimately, self worth.
The long term effects of carrying a full sack of pity can be debilitating and the longer it is given to thrive the more Rx and time is required to purge it. In some cases, whole life spans can be lost to feeling completely helpless to ones circumstances and in really severe cases this helplessness gets paired with a sense of entitlement that demands to be treated as a wounded victim. These are the highest risk carriers, as wallowing becomes highly infectious via enabling. This is how it spreads through families, between friends and lovers and in the workplace.
The likely hood that at some point in life we will all experience some level of Pity, either for ourselves or others is quite high. In fact there is a good chance that we will be faced with it, in varying degrees, over and over. That being said, it has been shown that in most cases of developed self-pity it’s simply been a result of not been properly diagnosed or directly named. One of the characteristics of this affliction is it’s ability to disguise it’s self as many other things and with the superficial effects always changing, it can be a complicated process to get to the root. This is why it’s such a slimy bastard, but still the best prevention Rx is identifying it directly and as soon as possible. Typically, it is most easily identified in others or by looking at ourselves in hindsight. But with the help of doing regular and focused work to improve ourselves and our situations in current time, we are given much greater odds of stopping it before it starts. The sooner we can call it out then the sooner we can get it out.
As mentioned before, the easiest way to identify self pity is by seeing it in someone else. Some obvious signs are
*Constant complaining without plan for resolve
*Never being at fault
*Turning down solutions or help when offered
*Being negative towards or passing judgement on others who are growing
*Always wishing they were anywhere other than where they are
*Operating below their proven potential
and so depending on how long they’ve been carrying it, simply and kindly sharing your observations with them can be the help they need to begin to heal. In situations that they’ve been holding onto their sorrows and wrongs for sometime it can be increasingly harder for them to accept what otherwise seems so clear to you. So tread lightly if it becomes obvious that they are attached to their woes, it can cause an adverse reaction if not handled carefully. But the most delicate situations are the ones where we allow our feelings for someone who is suffering, to turn from compassion and empathy into enabling and condoning.
Once we begin to pity another not only can this exacerbate the other persons experience, but it is also the way that it becomes contagious. For to believe that there is nothing someone can do to help themselves, we open the door to believing the same for ourselves.
In most cases the best way to handle someone who is wallowing is to give them a genuine ear for listening and an equally genuine “well shit, that really sucks, but I believe in you” All we can really do is plant the seed that they are capable to find the better way and then support them by staying consistent in that belief and being an example through our own reactions to life and circumstances.
Sometimes it will feel like we should really do more, but the way we live our own lives is the most effective tool we have to influence others. For the better or worse so stay awake.
If you have enough awareness to think that you maybe, might, could possibly have self pity brewing in you or that you’ve playing the victim card…. even just a little, than you probably are. Some ways that you can tell are
*Feeling like NOTHING EVER works out for you
*Being jealous and restful towards other people
*Finding yourself having the same conversation about the same problems over and over
*Loosing your willingness to even try to feel better
*Believing that there is no one that understands what you’ve been thru, have to do, or feel.
* Settling for less than what you really want
If any or all of these things are things you feel, try saying it and see how it makes you feel. Admit it in your head, say it out loud in the car or tell someone.
“I am feeling sorry for myself” “I mean really really sorry for myself.”
No connection to reasons, no rating how bad it is and no judgement of yourself. Just keep it plan and simple. Just feel it. There should be a little wave of relief just to admit it and then maybe a surge of motivation to do something about it. But then get ready, the next part can be really tough because by slicing into that sack of self pity, all that has been kept in there comes oozing out and it can be pretty fucking rank. But considering that the alternative to getting rid of it is to keep it around thickening and spreading, seems far more unbearable. But really it’s up to each of us individually to decide how to get thru to the other side. The process is what makes it lasting. The experience is what makes it our own. Not to mention it wouldn’t be very liberating to just be told how to solve the equation. But there are a couple of things to ask ourselves as each of these squirmy little parasites steps up to challenge us.
How is this serving me? Is is helping or hindering? Am I ready to let this go?
Eventually this series of questions (or your own variation of them) can become our default thought process when faced with a challenge or change. It will get easier and quicker to discern the sick thoughts every time we run thru these questions with ourselves and when we’re really paying attention, nothing should actually be allowed in to settle without passing through this first. This is a very effective practice but can take some time to master, so in the mean time we must just remember
The most important rule of survival is that self pity just doesn’t work.